Eli Duke


I’m a big fan of salutations, but sometimes I feel like an old man when I refuse to say “what’s up?” to people. It’s just never felt genuine to me. I know that deep down they don’t really want to know what is up or how it is going, they are just saying what everyone says. The problem is that a salutation with a question mark at the end doesn’t make any fucking sense.


But we’ve all been there before:

You’re walking down the street or to the bathroom at work, and you pass an aquaintance or maybe a friend and you say “what’s up?” and then they say “not much, how about you?” and then you might say “pretty good.”

It’s a salutation trying to be a conversation. Or is it a conversation trying to be salutation? Either way, it’s THE DUMBEST word exchange in the world, and it happens MILLIONS of times every day. I can’t even begin to imagine how much effort and energy is wasted on such terrible words. And the crazy thing is, we already have words that do the exact same thing while simultaneously leaving “how’s it going?” for one of those times when you literally want to know how it is going.

The next time you find yourself approaching another human and feel the need to say something, try tossing out a “hello” or maybe get crazy with a “howdy.” If it’s morning, see how “good morning” feels. If you like it, wait about 10 hours and then try “good evening” on for size! Or you can just go back to the old faithfuls, some of my favorites, like “hey there” and “hi”.